The Princess Leia syndrome

The princess Leia syndrome

I’d like to begin with the disclaimer that I am in no way at all a Star Wars buff. I have probably watched the trilogy as many times as the normal “generation –Xer” (or whatever it is that they are calling us these days). Just like you, I grew up with this trilogy as part of my reality. Although I have admittedly watched the series countless times, I would in no way consider myself an expert in Star Wars anything.

I just get the major themes.


What I would like to offer here is that this trilogy has become a part of our living mythology. The characters have become real and alive to us through out our own life stories. In fact, I would like to make the daring assumption that you women out there can probably relate to the wild revelation I had this past summer that I was Princess Leia.


Stop right there with your imagining that I go around with donuts on the sides of my head. I’m not obsessed with her or anything. I swear. I just realized during a melodrama in my life that I felt just like Princess Leia must have on her ship. There she was, the only female amongst a motley crew of male figures, and there was only one character that was her unquestionable equal. Only one guy who was made of the same stuff as she was…literally. And yes, only one other on the ship that has the force with them! At their first fateful meeting on the Millennium Falcon, Luke rushes in to save Leia and declares, “I am Luke Skywalker, I am here to rescue you!” Although we all know Leia can kick some serious ass, what hot-blooded woman in this galaxy doesn’t long to hear these words?


(If we are talking mythologically, then it must be said that Leia in all truth is the Diana or the Artemis of the modern day. She is the perfect manifestation of a virgin huntress goddess archetype. An archetype is a kind of universal symbol or figure that is found in every culture through out time. The concept of the Virgin, in its original meaning meant “a woman unto herself”, a woman who is whole and complete on her own. This term has a bit altered along the way with the advent of patriarchy, but that is a whole other story.

I’ve heard that George Lukas had a long time friendship with Joseph Campbell, the sage who introduced modern man to the magnificence of myth in our consciousness and the magic of parallel myths throughout all different cultures around the globe. I believe that it was Lukas’s intention to make each character in his epic to be nothing short of “mythic”. )

Luke is the only one in their band of space rebels who was respectful, charming, and from the same planet or solar system as Leia is. He has ample amounts of integrity, he is gallant; the perfect knight in shining armor. Kindness, compassion, and respect characterized Leia’s bond with him. In fact, they understood each other so well they were telepathic. Yet in the third episode (or the 6th I guess) we found out that these two were in fact twins! I guess their brief saliva exchange was a bit incestuous (ignorance is bliss)… Ahhh! The agony of it all.


Okay, yes I do have an awesome brother in real life but I am not talking about practicing actual incest here. Really, now. What I am talking about is falling in love with guys who are our brothers spiritually. It happens to me more than I’d like to admit. So many times in my life have I found the “perfect guy”; someone who is absolutely effortless to have a wonderful time with, someone I could talk candidly about everything with, someone I could snort laughing with, someone I could just hang out with hours doing absolutely nothing. Someone who mirrors the parts of me that I really love back to me.


It must be admitted here that I am destined to have the simultaneous blessing and curse of being a gay magnet in my life. No, I’m not a “fag hag”, I don’t go out actually looking for gay friends, they somehow find me. It’s true. This is actually quite a blessing, because as most of you readers probably know, gay men make the most wonderful friends ever. Just try as hard as you can not to fall in love or to have any crazy misconception you can make them “switch teams”. Its only happened a few times for me, but I’d like to save any poor women out there that might be saving hope to get their gorgeous best gay buddy to even try to be kinky and have sex with a woman. Just remember that snuggling is often highly underrated.


Gay men are only one kind of Luke Skywalker out there. The other types are the guys we meet who are our perfect matches, but that we just can’t have. The kinds of guys who we can look right in their eyes and see reflections of truth never-ending. These guys who are actually Luke in disguise are guys who fall under the category of “not being ready” for a relationship, guys who are taken, or guys who seem like the perfect fit in every way possible except for in bed. This is always a big heartbreak. Some men out there we think are so compatible for us in every possible way, but mother nature or father time is saying you supposed to be “just friends”. This happened to me a few times in college. I’d find a wonderful guy who I just adored and due to the fact that he was a guy and I was a girl, it felt like the next logical step was some kind of romantic and/or sexual relationship.


It’s really challenging that way with creatures of the opposite sex. You feel like if you really like one another, the sex/romance thing will inevitably come up and it’s like you have to give it a shot, but sometimes it’s just not where it’s at. The worst part of the scenario is if your friendship is jeopardized in this experiential phase. We have probably have all been through that and it really does bite. I imagine it’s equally as frustrating if you are gay, or if you are bisexual it must just confuse the hell out of you. Damn, I guess we are lucky on earth to only have 2 sexes, otherwise it may be totally befuddling.

Now, if you are like me you have sampled all the other options on the ship without giving in to utter dispair about that Luke character. The most obvious choice is, of course, is Han Solo. I say he is the most obvious choice only because he seems to be the only other earthling type on board. Also, that handsome, bedeviling, antagonizing asshole-type that never fails in attracting the female species.


Han Solo is dark and dangerous, which is for some biologically questionable reason, turns us women on. He’s kinda the Sir Lancelot to the likes of the Arthurian Luke. I have been with quite a few Han Solos myself, but never without later hating myself. As I said before, I don’t really consider myself a Star Wars expert but I think it was right before Han was about to be all frozen (and quite pitiful, I might add), that Leia finally gave him a little piece of her heart. I think it was then (right before he was about to become a human popsicle for Jabba), when that fateful scene came where Leia confessed to Han she loved him and he replied with the indispicable response of “I know”.

Now, wasn’t it Han who screwed up and somehow made Leia become Jabba the Hut’s slave bikini girl? I think it was some gambling loss or something… How humiliating for our warrior virgin goddess to be leashed up like that to a fat, cartoon slug! In all honesty, I have also had this experience. NO NOT LITERALLY! Symbolically, I have survived the atrocities of a fucked up, controlling relationship. Probably most of us have.

The best thing about this arrogant, albeit sexy character, is his side kick, Chewbacca. I must admit that in all honesty, I think Chewbacca is perhaps the best catch on the Millennium Falcon besides our twin brother. He is tall, dark, and furry. He is a faithful friend, and he’s just so damn sexy. Okay, I am strange, I know, but you probably have just never had have the nerve to admit that you think he’s a double dog cutie too. I am not at all embarrassed to admit that I have gone out with several wookie types. They are the kinds of guys who are seemingly from another solar system, but really lovable nonetheless. They are usually really cuddly, warm, playful, and sweet, but really just from another planet all together.



Have you ever had a mate like this? Sometimes exotic boyfriends from different lands can fall into the wookie category…they are fulfilling in every way but they are from a different planet in that they can’t share in your familiar world of western culture. In my life I have tried several times to escape my western heritage all together but then I find myself in an island far, far away when I have the incredible epifinany that I am Princess Leia and I have no one to share it with… Or I really want to reminisce about the Muppets, sing a Beatles tune, or make a reference to a Simpson’s episode and non-comprendo.

Wookies are great companions for females but if you want any kind of mental stimulation or real communication, you can pretty much forget it. It can work for a while, and you can keep yourself fascinated by trying to fathom which moan means what and talking gibberish and all but if you are really looking for a Luke type, a wookie won’t cut it.


The ewoks were and probably still are my favorite little munchichis of the series. I remember as a child, seeing the Ewok communal village in the treetops, all of them chanting and drumming, ecstatically dancing and singing. Until then all I knew was suburbia…new worlds of possibility unfolded in that Ewok village for me. Okay, I also wanted them all as my teddy bears also. The Ewoks are really lovable but are kin to Wookies. Same problems. The difference is that they are small, cute, and furry and have a big festive village to dwell in the treetops with.


So who’s left? We have our two friendly droids, r2d2 and c3p0. These guys are great but they are of the beeping, whirling, and mechanical variety. Not that a lady can’t get a really good orgasm from an electric friend… Goddess knows I've survived years with a good vibrator, dance, and gay boyfriends alone. But really now, Leia would never do that with any of her droid friends. That’s perverted. But I guess you never do know. I actually read recently that these two droids are Hollywood’s most celebrated (yet a bit obscured) gay couple. But they sure are a devoted little couple of droids aren’t they? I can definitely see c3p0 as a faerie, but r2 seems like a bit of a stretch…


You are probably wondering where in the hell I am going with this and figuring I am going to say something absolutely naughty about Yoda soon. Silly, that would be a bit sacrilegious. I’m gonna leave Yoda alone. What I would like to offer is my solution these days to this crisis.

My solution as of late is to beam up Obi Wan Kanobi. I bet you are wondering what the hell I am talking about. And this is a bit of a stretch but please hear me through. What I have found is spiritual love from a far away place that I carry with me real close to keep me feeling nurtured and loved. .

Now, I do happen to have a real live lover in a far away island (who is with no doubt a jedi master) but I have also been calling upon the love in the angelic realm for years. This sounds airy-fairy and new agey

(“kumbaya-time-life books” a good friend says) and perhaps it is, but angelic love beats most of these Neanderthal men hands down. Buts that’s another story… Not that it is for everyone, but it is working for me and Sinade O’Connor too apparently cause I just heard her sing about it in the awesome tune entitled “no man’s woman”.

(“My friends think I’m alone but I’ve got secrets
I don’t share everything about the love I get
I have a loving man but he’s a SPIRIT…
He never does me harm, never treats me bad-
He never takes away all the love he has.
And I’m forgiven oh a million times…
I’m never tired of it and I’m not scared of it,
Because he doesn’t cause me pain.
Cause a man can fake you, break you heart
and make you never be yourself again”)

Obi Wan can be represented by a lover far away who is always present in our heart, or the presence of a masculine love present in the universe. After considerable time in this jungle island paradise I have also been blessed to able to call upon a masculine spirit alive in the heavenly realm that speaks to me…Jah. This is for me the first time in my life that I can feel and understand the universal masculine love in the form of a gentle and compassionate heavenly father.

Okay, go ahead and chuckle at the silly girl with donuts on her head praising Jah. Really, it IS pretty silly. But I couldn’t be more serious. For a goddess freak like myself, this is monumental. For years I couldn’t even hear the words “God the Father” without feeling terribly sick in my stomach, I felt like the patriarchal father god was some Darth Vader figure…

So I have my issues. At least I’m creative working them out. I’m just being totally candid here. I guess the gist here is that I have found that universal love is just as satisfying as the personal variety, and not nearly so messy. That’s all I really have to share here. Go ahead and beem up Obi Wan when you need some sweetness…. What I am talking about here is basically “USING THE FORCE”, which Obi Wan always reminds us to do and everybody knows that force is LOVE.
May the force be with you!